peek-a-boo

1) i was sitting right beside my big boss, and dia boleh buat mcm i was transparent, and apparently looking for me….mana nuurain?? i was like waving at him…baru lah dia realize aku seblah dia…

2) aku senyum kat sorang akak yg satu ofis with hubby, and she was just ignoring me, after a while dia baru ckp "eh ain….."

3) syed sham entered the lift i was in, he looked straight at me and was totally ignoring me. dia berdiri seblah aku, and i had to pat him on his shoulder "hey, tak kenal aku ke…"…."eh ain….."

4) my boss’ wife came up to me and said…." ain ke tuh….."

OMG!!!!  i hve gained so much that people around me dont even recognize me anymore!!!  thats what additional 19kg does to you! i have got to get all these water and fat off of me in my 2 months confinement nanti!

it does….it just does….

notebook’s the company’s one thing, losing all the data is a whole different story…. dammit!

an ex-classmate masa buat MBA dulu and also a colleague in our office passed away.  the sudden death shocked us…muda lagi, baru 37 yo, and her little angel, arissa sofea baru setahun…

sebak sgt smp mengalir air mata aku tgk the baby… mak dia pun kene papah…ye laa kan, ur not supposed to bury ur son and daughters ( she lost 3 anak, including arwah)…. ur children are supposed to bury you…. tp ajal maut di tgn tuhan…

i saw her for the last time, alhamdulillah, she was smiling… i wonder how my death would be like…. 

aku rasa berdosa pada arwah… pressure dia time keje etc… ya Allah, ampunkan lah dosa aku terhadap arwah…aku tak sempat mintak maaf kat dia….:(

semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas arwah Yusliza Mohd Yusof…alFatihah….

we were ecstatic when we found out that we’re gonna have you.  yes i know you’re only half way thru and wont be out in another 20 weeks or so, but there are just so many things that i want you to know…

i want you know that i’ve already love you before you were even created… i’ve longed for you, i care for you, and i even worry about your future…. all that, even before i got married to your dad…

and now that you’re here, your heart beating inside of me, another human being, another heartbeat… i cant even describe how much you’re loved,by ur dad and i both… i cant wait…we cant wait to have you with us….

baby, i am going to be with you from the first day ur born, and i’m gonna teach you things - teach you how to eat, how to walk, how to talk - and i’m gonna be there for your throughout your first step to school… i ‘m gonna help you grow to be the person ur meant to be.. 

i’m gonna make mistakes, there are gonna be blunders, us, ur dad and i… we’re gonna screw up somewhere, we may neglect to let you know that the world isnt all beautiful, we may get angry, we may even smack u in the butt sometimes… but we’re gonna be with you, we’re gonna love all the way….. up until it’s time for us to go and leave the world…. even then, we’ll still be with you…..

i hope i will be a good mother… i know i will still be ecstatic to see you every single day of your life, holding your little hands…but i may not show it… i want to show it…. i’ll try my best….

i love you baby, more than u’ll ever realize…

i’m well into the 20th week of my pregnancy, and the last time i went for my checkup i was so excited to see the baby inside, MY BABY.  i am actually having another beating heart in my tummy! (with the help of my hubby of course) an everyday miracle…

i have a bump!  and i really really love my bump!

hari ni dah hari ke 24 berpuasa… lagi satu jam dah nak bukak pose… tinggal lagi 6 hari je nak puasa…

unlike the ramadans before, this years’ seem to pass ever so slowly… but yet i have managed to go through the month, missing only a day of fasting sbb mmg tak larat sgt2…

owh… alhamdulillah…. i am 10weeks pregnant with our long awaited baby… please do pray for everything to go smoothly….

also, my brother baru  jadik papa…. dpt baby girl baru nih… Rayfa Hureen Hamzah… sedap kan nama? 

rayfa = baik hati/bertimbang rasa (tak ingat laa plak)

hureen = bidadari

congratulations to hamzah n rynn!!  semoga menjadi good parents! tak sangka i’m a maklong now… hehehe

alrites! gtg! time to go buka puasa….. ciao!

i am so damn tired today!!! i wanna go home n get some rest!!!  i hate it when i have to go to courses and workshops coz it means not being able to do my work which in turn means a hell lot of emails to attend to and neverending phone calls from demanding customers which i cant answer coz its fucking rude to do so in these courses!!!  and if i do, i have to go out of the room to answer the phone, which means going out like every 5 minutes and then having obligations to fulfill due to this friggin customers who can come up with all sorts of questions which requires my time to call up and do some digging which people in my office dont normally heard of!  and their requests are so unimaginable!

and now, whn the course is over, and i am tired and i’m having a headache and there are emails and calls and msgs to be returned!  all that and i’m being paid for so little! plus, i have to stayback coz my boss told me to!  eventhough all others who have attended the same course had gone home! apa apa tahhh!!!!

i miss :

1)  being carefree and not care whether i’m having money or not (coz i can always depend on FAMA)

2)  late nites lepaking at mamak stall kat puchong which i’ve forgotten the name already

3)  watching movies until the wee hours (cant do that no more.  i get so dem sleepy at 12 now)

4)  lepaking while having ice cream and non stop talking kat STAD MMU dulu (ingat tak aina?)

5)  late nite drives to shah alam during DCBA, when i and mafus were the drivers of ACV5512 to sam aina halim.

6)  going to classes and head back to my room at half time coz it was so boring

7)  MA LEE!

8)  ismaizal saying "tau laa kak ain cantik!"

9)  lepaking with mafus sam aina izar(futtbucker?) isma iskandar, esp time lunch n sahur sesama tu

10)  flirting! hehe

when you hope and you crave something soooo bad for sooooo long, but it still wont come your way, how would you feel??  angry. sad. frustrated. devastated.

how long will it take until that feeling diminishes? it has been one n a half years now.  how long?  5 friggin years?

baby i’m so lucky to have you with me to go through this.  thank you. love you.

trust is such a big word.  you’re lucky if you have one person who u can trust with all ur hopes and dreams, ur fears and weaknesses.  i long for that one person.  oh how i wish for that one person to just be in my life.  the question is, is there really such thing as trust?  in business, in friendships, in love?

look around in ur office, ur bosses, ur colleagues… do u really trust them?  these are a bunch of power and money hungry executives i’m talking about.  u may hang out with them for lunch and gossips… but dont u know that at some point all these so called ‘friends’ will just turn around and betray u?  i’ve seen it so many times that i lost count… hell, i experienced it myself!  thats the sole reason why i dont really have any respect for these people. what a load of crap!  angry? no! frustrated? definitely!  what did it taught me?  that’s business…

what about ur spouse, ur partner, or some may say ’soulmate’…. the one who shares ur laugh, the one who shares ur bed… do u really trust the person who sleeps next to you every nite?  how sure are u that he/she is faithful to  you?  what if u have been lied to, been cheated?  questions questions.  it feels like shit to be betrayed.  i know.  been there too.  you know all those crap dr phil tells all of america and the world, to put things behind you and move on with life.  to forgive and forget.  to focus on the future and let bygones be bygones.  do all these people know what theyre talking about?  this is the heart for fuck’s sake! yes, you may forgive.  i dont know bout u,i forgive but I NEVER FORGET.  i tried, but to no avail whatsoever.  the hurt and frustration of having someone betraying me is like a scar in my heart.  nope, i have to use plural… they’re deep, ugly scars which numb the area around them. 

i know i know… these are all part and parcel of this short time we call life in this world.  i know it is only human.  and i am human too…  the question is, can that other person trust me? fair enough.